Yesterday was adoption agency day. Woke up, ate some breakfast…
A rare shot of my host mom actually eating... I never see her eat! She's always cooking and cleaning and serving while everyone else eats! I kept wondering if she ever ate. :P
Then it was off to meet at Dongan church. Raia, MeriKim, David and I all met there with Pastor Park to head off to the Holt adoption agency. We took the subway there…
Walking to the subway... Starting to see how Seoul is a little different than all the rest of Korea we've seen so far... Starting to see some different styles, and alternate dress... And hair fashion!
Korean subway is about 10,000 times better than the DC Metro. I can't think of any way in which the Metro is better.
Not that busy... Kinda average, I would say. ...Fine!! I was trying to take a picture of the girl in the red, ok??? Hahaha... Yes, Korean girls are verrrrrrrrrry attractive. While we're on the subject, I may as well be honest... Before the trip, I had a really strong preference towards Korean girls. Not just because I think they're cute, but because I also wanted to learn more Korean things... At some point on this trip, that kind of changed to 'I-will-exclusively-date-Korean-girls-only.' Not just for learning culture - that'd be kind of selfish. But... Not really sure why, actually. Just feel like I really need to be with a Korean girl. Anyways... If Korean girls are my type... I'm in a country full of them! Yayy...
Looking relatively empty inside the station... They get PACKED when it's rush hour. Some six million people take the subway, everyday! The underground stations are chock full of shops, convenience stores, food vendors and random little stores.
Ah... fresh air. Maybe? It was kinda humid. :P
Got another one of my girls. :P My host family dad had a cough, and I was kinda scared, so I was buying vitamin C drinks...
Two things here made me laugh...
After some walking around, we finally found the place. This was a temporary location for the agency.
Once we got there, we each met up with a counselor. They had already pulled our records…
The documents I had on the left, the documents they had on the right... Well, at least my papers got reunited. :P
Essentially, they just went over the records that they had, and in my case, compared the information that I had with theirs. I didn’t find out much unknown info, except that my father was an electronics shop owner (hmmmmmmmmm? That made me smile and laugh a little), but his business failed (well, I hope failure doesn’t run in the family… I’ve failed so much). After that, he came down with chronic Hepatitis, and could not work. So, my mother had to work instead while supporting both my older brother and my father, and as a result, they gave me up. I was with them for two months, and then was in foster care until I was six months old and old enough to be adopted. Three years later, my mom went back to Holt to get some information and picked up pictures of me (that my adoptive parents sent). My father had recovered and was then a ‘mold factory’ owner. Not sure what that meant… Either pharmaceuticals, or materials industry. Also found out they were Buddist. Ick… Probably good to know spiritually. Also found out I was born in Hamyang, and not Seoul as my records said.
But, after that, they couldn’t give me any more information. I filled out a 'request to search' form and wrote a little note and a request. They said it’d be really difficult to find them in the two weeks that I’m still in Korea, but we’ll see what happens. I am not allowed to have names or anything due to confidentiality policies…
As we all finished up with our counselors, we just chilled in the waiting area and shared what we found out with each other. Then we went to look at the babies currently in the care of Holt…
Hey, little guy!
Looking at her... So cute. But, who's going to celebrate her Dohl?
Who's going to write down his first words? If a certain quota of adoption is met, these babies end up staying for longer than a year... So, then they get adopted late, and have an even harder time adjusting. The ones in this room already can walk, and some even speak, already.
Nobody is scrapbooking for this guy... Nobody is taking pictures and making home-videos so he can see them later in his life...
He only gets held and fed by a stranger, everyday.
These kids' faces light up whenever someone new enters the room. They know somebody is coming to get them... At least, they hope somebody is coming to get them. If they don't, they go off to the orphanage. The babies start crying immediately if you put them down...
This was me; this was us at some point... Waiting for a parent. Waiting for someone to come along and care for us... We were lucky. We were the fortunate ones... Some of these kids have hope. Some of them do not. This baby here is labeled as 'special,' b/c she is already known to be a little handicapped. Nobody is going to want her. Those who adopt want a perfect, healthy, little child.
Who was there to write down when he took his first steps?
Who called up their friends to come over and celebrate her 100 days?
Who sits next to his bed and smiles every night, thinking of his future?
Who is going to instill ambition in his mind, to encourage him and tell him that he can take his place in his life, that he can accomplish what he puts his mind to?
They sleep so peacefully now... Adopted or not adopted, these kids have so much they are going to have to deal with later in life. All of these kids will struggle. Only few will understand them. They will carry a great weight on their life...
Pictures of kids up for adoption... Take your pick. Pick the cutest one. Pick the one that you think you'll like, the one that you think will make you happy. Like everything else in life, choose the one that you want for you...
...At least these babies all get physically cared for. There is staff in addition to volunteers, and this little mini-medical room is right on site. The kids are all well-fed and check-out medically.
I was previously pretty anti-adoption… Adoption doesn’t really ‘work,’ and I still maintain that it doesn’t replace a true biological-bond… But, something has to be done. Something. These kids need parents, else they’re off to the orphanage. They really are better off in a *good* home, with loving, Christian parents - parents who are adopting because they want to do God’s will, not because they are seeking their own happiness. But, the parents must, must, must know that their adoptees are going to struggle with something that they don’t understand, and most people won’t understand, including the adoptees themselves. It is going to be an enormous obstacle to overcome, but a loving, God-centered family offers much more hope than an orphanage. Yeah, after seeing these babies… I was thinking those thoughts, and I got pretty emotional. What can be done? How can you fix this problem? Only compromise can be had… And God’s grace will have to cover them. I walked out of the room behind the others, fighting back tears.
Then it was on to happier things. Like, walking around a college town of an all-women’s university in Seoul (Ewha, the #1 all-women's Uni).
We didn't know where to eat, and Pastor Park kept pulling over random people, asking where we could get really good kimbap... And some of those girls he pulled over were a-ttrac-tive..... But, not helpful. Hahaha...
Eventually, we found a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant with a Totoro theme going on... The food was SO TASTY. The restaurant was packed... And David, Pastor Park and I were the only guys in the WHOLE PLACE.
Lots of little street-vending shops!
After lunch, we all split up to walk around... Pastor Park wanted to go read or something, and the girls wanted to go shopping, and so David and I went off by ourselves.
They sell everything. MP3 players, laptops, tablets, phones, etc, etc, etc.
Strange name for a coffee shop. :P
Surprisingly, some of the little shops had stuff in my style, which also fit. Things weren’t as cheap as you might have imagined, but I still bought some new accessories (I left my hairbands at the orphanage shower, so I bought some bracelets to replace them. I think I like them better).
I got a little turned around and ended up kinda lost. :P Eventually, I made my way back to the main street, but I was late. :P
This university is reallllly spread out. :S
Everybody was all waiting for me... 'What was her name?' 'How come you smell like perfume?' 'Is that lipstick on you?' 'How many girls did you kiss along the way?' Haha... Good to know they have faith in me. :P Even someone's host mom was poking at me later...
Yes, that was… a umm… small bit of heaven.
But, on to more emotional stuff. We got to the Ae Ran Won center, and had no idea what we were doing there…
The director (and champion of God’s Kingdom on Earth) explained what the Ae Ran Won center did. They essentially support unwed, pregnant women in every way, covering all bases including the government welfare and lack of welfare once they reach a certain pay at their jobs. They arrange support for schooling, employment, housing, everything. The center was founded by PC USA and funded somewhat by the government, but I guess now it runs on PC USA funds and donations (don’t quote me on that). Now, almost all adoptions arranged by ARW are domestic, as opposed to almost all international as in the early years… But, better than that… 80% of the supported women now choose to keep their kids. Previously, it was an 80% turnover. That goes to show how much hope this program instills in these women.
But, that was the beginning. We were introduced to two women who were previously supported by the Ae Ran Won society. These women, 52 and 44, each had a child that they each put up for adoption. They were here to share their stories with us, and for us to ask them questions. Without reciting both of their stories, essentially, they both had really unfortunate circumstances and it was easy for anyone to say that adoption was the answer. One was incapable of supporting anybody (at that time), and the other had an abusive, alcoholic husband. Really, anybody would have suggested adoption. But, these mothers did not abandon their children… They gave them up so that they may have a better life. It was extremely hard on them, and not a day passed for either of them in which they did not think about the kids that they had given up. Whenever anything tragic happened in the US, they worried. Whenever they saw kids being picky about their food, they worried. They still worry, and they still hurt for their children. Now, they are both living good lives and have other children… But there’s still a void in their heart where their child should be.
So… Where does that leave us? The point of this meeting was so that we could have the perspective of the mothers so that we would not think so poorly of our mothers and feel like we were just tossed away like trash and forgotten. In hearing their stories, what could we have done better? My mother was 24, and my father was 25. I am 25. If I got a 24 year old pregnant, what would I do? I can hardly support myself right now, and am still searching for stability. That being said, there is no one left to point the finger at. Our God is a just god, but not a fair god. Some of us have just been given a harder lot in life… Adoption sucks, but it still is the best compromise. This just shows that it sucks on both ends… Only grace can cover these things. I don’t know. My thoughts are all-over, and I don’t even know what to name the emotions I have. They asked us for questions, and all six of us just sat there, drawing blanks. Some basic questions were asked, but I feel like a lot was answered by their stories. Only God can fix these man-made catch-22s. It’s… just… not fair. Thankfully, God has people like Director Kim, who are restorers… Both of these women say their lives were literally saved by this woman.
That's one of the moms, who didn't mind having her picture taken, to Pastor Park's right. The lady on his left, hugging Nick, is the Director.
After the moms finished, they gave each of us a really, really, long, tight hug. They were squeezing the tears out of us. They both wanted their children back. They hugged us like we were theirs... Really, when I learned why we were at ARW, I wanted to villain-ize these two women so badly... I wanted to ask them questions that would make them hurt. I wanted to know how they thought it would be ok to let their kids go off to some other life, to suffer like I have... There's no way they could have experienced the loneliness that I have and still have done what they did... But... Not so. My accusing finger was put back to my side. I hurt for these women. I hurt for their children. These women said they've come to this place, every year, for the past 20 years, telling their stories so that adoptees won't hate their moms... Adoptees just don't know. And it weighs on their heart so badly that they always, always make it to meet the adoptees every year. The mom who took this picture, who is now married to a pastor and has other kids of her own and a nice family, left her vacation in Busan just to come up here to talk to us. While her life is many times better than it used to be... She still has a hole in her heart for the child she gave up. She said that she liked this year's group, because it was mostly boys, and she had given up a boy... She also said that he is our age now, which made her like us even more. She is waiting for him to come try to find her... She wonders, everyday, why he has not tried...
The suffering is mutual...
Who's fault is this? How could I be angry, if the circumstance for them seemed worse than for me? This sin-filled world is cruel... Taking from us the bonds of love that God had intended for us... Thankfully, these women had somebody like Director Kim... And we have somebody like Pastor Park... They can't fix our hurt, but they can show us the God that can.
Mom, why did you leave me? I would have rather suffered with you than away from you... Now I don't even know your face....
After, David, MeriKim and I all went back to MeriKim’s host family’s apt to eat dinner.
On the way, we passed by the 'Blue House'... Korea's White House.
'Lotte Castle.' A lot of apartments are franchised by big companies... Rebecca, our translator, was telling me how she was driving a Samsung car, lived in a Samsung apt, had a Samsung phone, Samsung refrigerator, Samsung microwave, Samsung computer... If you thought branding was bad in the US....... Korea's definitely worse.
I forget which university this was. Fail. It was an important one for something. :( [This is the main gate to Korea University.]
A police station... Here, police stations play a much more broad role than just dealing with criminals. In Pastor Park's words, 'they take care of everything.' They function like Social Services, too, so all the orphaned kids were brought to police stations.
Sunny, Sunny's mom... Then my host family... They made a lot of food!
It was delicious. :)
...And they even bought a cake for us! It was super-cute, like all Asian pastries. Even though I don't like cake, I ate a piece so I wouldn't insult them. It was actually... Kinda good.
...Of course, the obligatory watermelon... And then a little 'cake' thing that Sunny (I think) made for us. I didn't eat any, but it was apparently pretty good.
We chatted, worked on our computers for a little, then everyone went home. I played some Wii with Jong Hyun and Ju Eun, wrote a little and called it a night.
The next morning....
Breakkkkkkfast! Always something tasty...
Today was the first day of the retreat. We all met up at the church at 10, and Elder Kim and a guy named Daniel Lee drove us up the mountain.
We thought we were staying in Seoul...
Clearly (ok, maybe it's 'cloudy'), we were not... :P
Where the crack are we? :P It's pretty scenic, though.
We stopped to get some snacks... I got another Vita500 and some cuttlefish. I found out the other adoptees do not like the more Chinese-like snacks. :P Oh well. More for me. :D
We dropped by a really awesome place for lunch-e. It was called something like, 'rare earth'... It was because of the way the restaurant was traditionally constructed. You could see exactly how the thing was made just by looking at it.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmf. That would be duck in the middle. I was kind of hoping it would have been 'dog,' but oh well.
Some tasty things to drown out those emotions, eh??
That yellow one was realllllly good. It was like, a soybean version of grits. I wish I wrote down what it was called, b/c I forgot. :(
I’m still not really sure where we are exactly, but it’s quite peaceful up here. Had a little walk around by myself after dinner…
What we did today was first listen to a little lecture by Pastor Park, which was on Jeremiah 29:10-15. We then listened to Stephanie Fast’s testimony. She was a Korean war baby and grew up on the streets. She ended up in an orphanage and was adopted at age 9. She had a tough, tough life while on the streets and was the victim of some pretty terrible things. But it wasn’t until later in her teenage years that she had to go back and confront the memories of those things. Her full testimony can be found on the Focus on the Family website.
Pastor Park pulled out a sheet that we saw before, addressing the seven core issues with adoption. He had us go off on our own and meditate on Stephanie’s testimony, the seven core issues and also the three enemies of inner-peace: the inability to forgive self, the inability to forgive others and the inability to accept God’s forgiveness. Then we had to write a reflection.
I went off and played a little guitar, then prayed and wrote…
But, then it was time to meet up with our partner and share.
…And my partner is David. Well… I’ve not really been writing about it, but it’s been in the back of my mind this whole time. I don’t get along with David, and given the freedom of a normal social situation, I would stay as far away from him as I could. As soon as he climbed into the van back in Minnesota to head off to the orientation retreat, I knew I’d have to be careful around this guy. Lots of quirks about the two of us annoy each other. I know he hates how I take the spotlight from him, and I hate how he always demands the spotlight for himself when no spotlight is required. His neediness annoys the crap out of me. My social gauge on him just goes nuts… I know his type, and I know what to expect from him. I know my faults pretty well, and I see a lot of the same faults in him. So far, we’ve been pretty tolerant of each other, except for one incident. This was back on Jiri-san, at dinner. I got on him because he was making a big deal of something quite trivial, and he was doing it out of annoyance at Pastor Park. Tension was rising, so I came down pretty hard on him to keep things from getting out-of-hand. He was silent the rest of dinner and also quite withdrawn back at our homestay. He was obviously pretty pissed, but I was perhaps a little optimistic in thinking that he’d figure out what he did wrong. The next day, he acted just fine, and we were able to go on acting like nothing happened. Well, come time to ‘share,’ the incident came back. Apparently, he was pissed to no end. Maybe I was wrong in my approach to coming down on him, but it’s an obvious defense of pride on his part. We talked about it, and pretty much discussed our dislike of each other, but nothing was really resolved. After, he skipped out on dinner and walked around… When we got back, he barely participated in the rest of the activities of the evening. After, he just went back to the room to sleep.
Really, this guy is the only thing that is keeping this from being a ‘paradise trip’ for me. When we’re tolerant of each other, that’s one thing… But he’s really someone I would like to keep distance from, and I’m sure it’s true the other way around. I know he’s not a bad guy based on his testimony and the things he writes and knows to be true… But he’s just one of those thorn-in-my-side types. God has a plan and a reason for everything, and for some reason, He put the two of us together on this journey for three weeks. I am pretty confident this trip means a lot more to me than it does to him, so I wonder what God is thinking… Of course, all the Bible verses regarding this kind of thing are all front and center. Even sinners love their friends, so we have to separate ourselves by loving our enemies… Do not let the sun set on your anger… Love your neighbor as yourself… Love others because Christ first loved you… I am trying to be mature about this, but he has set himself apart from the group since the beginning. I feel like the only purpose in him being on this trip is to be that thorn-in-my-side. I’m willing to do whatever to make this work out, but I’m pretty afraid it’s not the same on his end. He just doesn’t really care… Or at least so it seems. God will work things out, no doubt, but will we grow from it? Hopefully so… And hopefully it won’t blow up at some point.
Anyways… After dinner, I walked off and took some pretty pictures of the mountain we’re on.
A couple houses, few and far between...
Now, that bit... is allll Moonies-stuff. :S This is like, their headquarters or something. Kinda weird that we're on the same mountain.
No idea what that was. :P It was just there, by itself.
Cows. :P
...And finally, back to the retreat center.
Then we all met back up and Pastor Park wrote out his ‘life map,’ which essentially is a timeline of significant events in his life. He went back over it and highlighted where he saw Jesus doing something. He had us do the same, and then present our partner’s when we were done.
We finished up and it was time to write (for me). Now everyone’s asleep and I will go join them.
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