Orientation Retreat, Day 2 Evening

Here's my log about the second day of the orientation retreat:

Wow. I feel like so much has happened today that I can’t remember everything. Though I was writing about yesterday this morning, I wish I had been writing as things went along.

Morning Snake.

After breakfast, which I skipped (though one of the adoptees was really nice and brought me back some food – made me feel all warm and fuzzy), we watched a really, really cheesy video about Korea. Despite its old-school cheesiness, it was actually made relatively recently. It was semi-informative, but mostly useful for its video shots in modern Korea. At this point, it seemed pretty surreal that I was going to the country in the video. It portrayed Korea as being quite foreign.

Yoonju SMN started the day’s teachings by going over a brief history of Korea. Korea’s history is quite sad… I remember Su [my friend/mentor] telling me that basically, Koreans suck at fighting and spent most of history being overtaken. Well, that was pretty much true. Korea has a long, sad history, especially during Japanese occupation. It was kind of weird, but I got kind of emotional at one point. I felt a glimpse of God’s heart for Korea, and how much He loves the country. I don’t usually think about God in a global or political sense, so that was something new for me. God really loves Korea, and hurts for Korea’s history. I also felt better knowing a little about the history itself, since I have been pretty ignorant about any history in Asia altogether. It would be nice if American schools just taught American history once, instead of teaching, then re-teaching, then re-teaching again so that instead, they could actually teach about other parts of the world with a history greater than 200 years. I immediately felt a little more secure about myself as a Korean after this.

That was short lived, though, because the next portion was about Korean language. SMN taught us the Korean alphabet and explained the pronunciation of the radicals (if that’s what they’re called). We went over some common phrases, too. I’m going to have to study hard before going to Korea. I realize I actually learned more Chinese than I thought, because I knew how to say all the phrases in Chinese, but was having a hard time remembering any of the phrases in Korean. Still, learning languages is fun, though difficult. I’m really wishing I had kept up with Rosetta Stone a few months ago.

The lesson wrapped up and then we ate lunch at the retreat center cafeteria. The meal was pretty quiet – I think all of us were still processing a lot of information.

The next section was about the ‘Do’s and ‘Don’t’s of Korean culture. This was nothing much too new for me. Still, excitement is growing. I don’t think I’ve had butterflies in my stomach for so long! The more we talk about the logistics of the trip, the more the excitement grows.

Next, we discussed our expectations for the trip. We were all pretty much looking for the same things: to experience the various parts of Korean culture, to learn about our personal roots, to learn more about ourselves, to learn more about other adoptees, to grow closer with God and just to have fun. One of my top ten expectations for the trip was to get a haircut, and the others all thought that was an amazing idea. That was kind of funny.

Right after, we discussed actual logistics for the trip and our travel itinerary. More excitement growing! Andy, a previous attendant, joined us while we were wrapping up. He was there to answer some questions that we might have had and also give us some perspective of the journey from an adoptee’s point of view.

We took a break and ate dinner. SMN prepared bibimbap for us. It was tasty, but since I am fasting spicy food until Grace Retreat, I didn’t put any gochijang in mine. It was… not the same. I was reallllly wishing I could pour some of that spicy goodness over my bap and impress Pastor Park and SMN with how much I put in. I had to explain that I was fasting spicy food to everyone, but they understood. Andy stayed and chatted a bit more, then was on his way.

I'm allergic to melon, so I took out all the cucumber... And no gochijang. My bowl was kinda lame. :( 

Was the first time having bibimbap for some of them... Made me happy seeing them try it and liking it. Maybe b/c I remembered how I was so excited to eat Korean food when I was first exposed to it...

Chillin' after dinner... 

Andy, our Spiritual Journey vet.

After dinner, we watched a movie on VHS, probably made in the ‘90s. It was a documentary of a Korean American adoptee, called ‘First Person Plural.’ The movie outlined the adoption and consequent journey of self-discovery of an adoptee known by three different names. She was adopted out of an orphanage in Korea to a white family of four when she was eight years old. They family had been writing letters to her (supposedly) and sponsoring her each month through a charity. Eventually, the mother decided that she wanted to adopt Cha Jung Hee. She took a little bit to adapt, but eventually assimilated well into the family. She got along with her new sister and brother quite well, and had a loving relationship with her adoptive parents. However, when she moved out from home as a young-adult, she became depressed and started having flashbacks of Korea, and even saw the spirit of her biological father floating around her car and apartment. She decided that she needed to reconnect with Korea and find her parents. Her adoption papers said that she was orphaned, and that her name was ‘Cha-Jung Hee,’ but in reality, Jung Hee was a different girl whose parents took back into the family. So, this girl was given Jung Hee’s identity so that she could be adopted, even though she actually had an older brother, an older sister, mother and father (and thus making it illegal for her to be adopted). She managed to find her adoption records and some knowledgeable people and was able to find her correct, original identity as ‘Kang Ok-Jin.’ She went to Korea to visit and actually met her family with a translator. She had a hard time with her emotions – she wasn’t exactly sure how she felt or how to move on. Her adoptive mom was a bit concerned and a bit territorial as well, mostly being afraid that she would lose Jung Hee. Still trying to come to grips with everything, Jung Hee decided that she needed to see her adoptive parents together with her biological family, so she asked them to go with her to Korea. They went, and the two families met and discussed what they could. Afterwards, there was a video debriefing between Jung Hee and her adoptive mother. It was clear that Jung Hee still was not completely at peace with her issue of parents and identity, but she felt she was even more close with her adoptive mother. While her adoptive mother played the mother role in her life, and Jung Hee accepted her as her ‘mother’ in that sense, but she still had a bond with her biological mother.

After the movie, we discussed how we felt. Though not all of us showed much emotion, I’m pretty sure that the movie had stirred up a lot in all of us. The other adoptees might have been able to relate a little better because they had the same, loving relationship with their adoptive parents, but I still resonated quite a bit with this girl’s story. We shared our concerns about our fears for the implications of finding our biological parents, our insecurities about our relationships with those close to us and discussed the issue of loss that only adoptees go through. We discussed things from the sides of the adoptees, and then from the sides of the biological and adoptive parents. I think we all understood our own emotions at least a little more, but it was amazing just to be able to share in this struggle and loss with others who have gone through the same thing. It was a pretty heavy time of sharing, and it stirred emotions in most of us that haven’t really been touched in a while.

We concluded and ate some jap-chae and melon bars. Though pretty quiet, conversation eventually broke and the mood lightened. We cleaned up and got ready for bed. I had lectured both Nicks about how they should be journaling this whole time so they don’t forget anything and how the impact of what just happened would not be the same in recollection. I took a phone call and when I came back in the room, they were both writing. We chatted a bit about our excitement for the trip and how we were all looking forward to getting a haircut and not just seeing the historic bits of Korea, but also modern Korea and the pop culture. We were joking about trying to figure out how to pick up Korean girls without knowing any Korean, and I taught them a bit about what I know of Korea’s pop culture. We talked a little more and then went to sleep.