9/8/2011 12:56 PM My Bro

Ahhhh... So much to write about!

I am so happy these days... So happy that I feel like all the stuff I went through earlier, all the struggles I have, like... didn't even happen. I keep hearing bits and pieces from Rebecca about my mom and my brother... Gosh, I love my mom so much already... And she is protective of me, too. Poor Rebecca... She told her, kinda sternly, that she better not break up with me and that she should 'be nice to me'... Haha... Now, she's stuck with me. :) I am so thankful... Even in my informal tone and array of vocabulary and expressions, I really can't describe how I feel right now... It sounds stupidly obvious, but I really do feel like I just 'found my family'... I mean, I guess it's possible to meet your family and maybe feel like they're not your 'family' but just your 'creators?' I have no idea... After watching so many accounts of other adoptees meeting their parents, sometimes adoptees end up experiencing a 'second loss' upon meeting their parents. Not so with me... I am... I feel more complete, or something.

Some 'boring' details first... Well, my case worker at Holt sent me an e-mail with some more details about things.  She told me that she used some government resources to find their contact info, and that they came to visit on the 6th. She gave me a couple more details that I didn't get before... My father had hepatocirrhosis, and while he recovered after I was adopted, he still had liver issues and died of liver cancer 10 years ago. But, four years ago,  my mom married another guy, and my brother still lives with them. In any case, both my mom and brother hand-wrote me a letter and my case worker scanned them and sent them to me. Of course... Now I have Rebecca, and they know this at Holt now, too... So, I guess I'm done with them? We'll see if there are any formalities, but I don't think they can do much else for us, now... Rebecca is going to translate the letters for me. She already got to read them... I mean, she cried reading them... So, I'm probably gonna need some tissues. :P I don't think I cried this much my whole life! :P Snake is getting soft...

But, Rebecca got to talk to my mom on the phone this time... She was actually the one who asked Rebecca to translate it. She cried a lot... Especially after finding out I was always the only Asian growing up and stuff. She cried enough to make Rebecca cry, too... :P She said she couldn't imagine how lonely and tough it must have been for me. I know she struggled too... But, I am so happy to have found them now, that I don't really care about what's been done... I just want to be with her... Anyways, she was very pressing on meeting Rebecca, so Rebecca is actually going to go meet them tomorrow. She's going to set up a Skype call, and I'm going to get to talk to my mom and my brother for the first time...

How do I feel? I'm... excited... nervous... I dunno. It's... like, what do you expect? What can you expect? I just know I have to...

Rebecca is also excited... But, seems like she's even more nervous than I... She feels like she's under a lot of pressure, since this is pretty important stuff. I am so grateful for her and her willingness to make things work... Since this post is live, it'd be cool if you wanna lift up a quick prayer for her. I'll be praying for her, too (duh)... She's in a pretty clutch position, admittedly... Still, there is no person I would rather have in her position right now. I definitely want her by my side when I meet them in person....

But... In the meantime, I got some more info on my brother. He's like... exactly like me... Except much better looking. :P I friended him on Facebook, and got some more details from Rebecca...

He looks like a freakin' K-movie star or something... :S Not fair...!! Haha... But, that's what he said when he learned how tall I was.... But, really... He got all the looks in the family! Ahh... My dad must have been the one responsible for my complexion. :( Haha... I feel like I got the shallow end of the gene pool. :P Also, all the girls on his friend list all look like movie stars or something. It doesn't look like a normal friend list, but more like a K-pop directory or something. :S Dag... Sensitive-Personal-Whine-Moment: I always thought I was like, really ugly until I got my first girlfriend... Then I thought maybe I was just average. But, I have a beautiful mom, and my brother is already making my female friends drool... So... * shakes fist at dad *... Haha... Anyways, maybe if I 'Korean-ize' a little more, I'll get there, too.

Well, from the last post, you know he's into car tuning... But, he's also really into rock music! He was the singer for a rock band... Rebecca was telling me how he said he felt like he wanted to cry when he was looking through my photos on Facebook and saw my guitars. Crazy... If you don't know, Koreans aren't really into car-tuning b/c the government laws were previously very strict about that kind of thing... And then Koreans are usually 'softies' when it comes to music, so rock fans are pretty rare. So... The fact that he likes these things is really something else. He really likes spicy food, too... Rebecca said that when she told him that I really like spicy food, he said, "that dude must be my bro!" :)

I've never really met anyone like me, ever... All my car friends are different... All my art friends are really different... Same for my music friends, and my Korean friends, etc, etc. But, my brother is just like me! I feel like I just met my best friend. Both my brother and mom say that I get all that arty, fixing and tinkering stuff from my dad... I always thought hobbies and stuff were environmentally developed... But, I guess maybe some of these things can be programmed into your blood, somehow.

In a sort of weird way... I think I might have it easier than some other adoptees who meet their parents. I am so disconnected from my adoptive parents that when I see myself, I see myself as an orphan. I don't (well, didn't) feel like I had parents... So, in that sense... Now that I am meeting my mother and my brother... I feel like I'm being reunited with my family, and am not 'torn' between birth and adoptive parents. It's a really confusing experience for adoptees, and adoptive parents get really jealous and protective... But, I don't have to deal with any of that. I've found my umma... It's as simple as that.